Soul of the Machine
by Swordshade
Summary: Shepard has taken control of the Reapers. Can he maintain it, or will it destroy him? Where is his crew, and will they find their way back? Will he and Tali be reunited, and, if so will she still love him in his new form? Rated M for eventual violence and language.
1. Chapter 1

Commander Shepard stared at the data on his omni-tool, trying his best to take in every word and diagram. Activating a weapon as powerful as the Crucible without fully understanding it could be disastrous, and the galaxy would be in bad enough shape when this was over without a malfunction or misfire. He was dimly aware that the Catalyst was still speaking, but he'd stopped listening after the AI had given him the data on itself and the Crucible. He had more important things to worry about.

Every ounce of energy and focus not spent on understanding the machine went towards the arduous task of simply keeping him alive. His body felt heavy, even with the charred remains of his armor removed. Every breath took conscious effort, and he could feel the blood gurgle in his windpipe. Many of his various implants had been fried, now contributing only to pain rather than the healing process. Most men would not be standing at this point, let alone analyzing complex schematics.

It was lucky, then that he was not an average man, but an N7 engineer. Understanding combat tech and functioning under lethal conditions were in his job description, and he soon found what he was looking for.

Shepard added "liar" to his mental list of the Catalyst's personality traits, right under prideful, traitor, and insane. What It had refered to as Its own three solutions were in fact functions of the crucible, added through the cycles in the hopes that at least one of them would work and stop the harvest. Each one even had its own dedicated activation method.

Directly in front of him was a pale green beam, representing what the Catalyst had called "Synthesis." Both the Leviathan AI and the notes in the now fully decrypted blueprint insisted this was the best option.

Ostensibly, it would use a cybernetically enhanced organic as a template for all life in the galaxy, uniting them as one race, neither wholly organic or synthetic. Actually looking at the devices schematics, it was clear that whoever came up with this plan was either insane or indoctrinated. All it would do was burn his corpse and spread his ashes across a few dozen star systems.

The other options, however, showed promise. They both relied on the Reaper network. The Catalyst was its heart, and directly connected to every Reaper "ship" through an extensive network of advanced quantum entanglers. Each Reaper then had a range measured in _light-years_ at which it could control ground troops and indoctrinated thralls.

The Crucible's original purpose, total Reaper destruction, was represented by a mass of red machinery to his right. An act of violence directed at the wires and cables would trigger a the release of a potent virus throughout the network. It would delete all reaper code within the control range, before triggering a destructive overheat in the vital systems of the Reapers themselves.

This was the most surefire solution, but came at a heavy price_. All _Reaper code included that within the Geth and EDI. It mattered not that they were independent of the Reapers, simply being in proximity would ensure their destruction, or at the very least fragmentation and loss of sentience. Destruction would cost the Commander a dear friend, and the galaxy an entire species that had only just began to show its worth.

That left controlling the Reapers. It appeared the Illusive Man had been correct. Using the blue console to his left, an individual could replace the Catalyst with their own mind. Though they could plan, react and,in the case of particularly old ones like Harbinger or Sovereign, even show hints of personality, the Reapers were not true individuals, but extensions of the Catalyst's will. Once a new being was in the AI's place, the machines would obey them as limbs obey the brain.

The indoctrinated Cerberus leader would have changed nothing by being in control, but Shepard could. But could he trust himself with that power? Not an hour before he had convinced the Illusive man to eat a bullet at his insane belief that he could handle absolute power, and now he considered taking it for himself?

The Spectre sighed, immediately regretting the action as his lungs struggled to refill. His choices were hypocrisy or genocide, and he didn't have long to decide. He changed programs on his omni-tool and began to record what might be his final message.

"This is Commander David Shepard, Council Spectre. I am going to attempt to gain control of the Reaper network. Its stupid, dangerous and it may not even work. If you manage to find this and the war is still going, it means I've failed. Ignore anything the Catalyst tells you and shoot the red cables. It doesn't make sense, but it'll kill the Reapers. If you survive, find my crew. Thank them for their help and friendship, and let them know I'd never have gotten this far without them. Tell Garrus he has control of the ship, unless Alenko needs it for Spectre business. Tell Joker I tried to save her. If this doesn't work, he'll know who I'm talking about." His voice began to falter as emotions welled within him, but he forced himself to keep going.

"Finally, tell Tali I love her. No matter how this all ends, it was worth it because I met her. Tali'Zorah vas Normandy, if I can't return to you in this life, I will wait for you in the next, and that's a promise." He had been trying to avoid thinking about her, knowing the tide of sorrow and regret it would unleash. It was entirely possible they would never see each other again. Even if they did he would be different.

Tali may have come to respect synthetics, but would she ever love a machine? Would she trust him when he wore the face of those that had slaughtered trillions? He looked once more at the red cables.

No. Destroying the code was an insult to Legion's memory. It would kill the only thing that made Joker truly happy. It would cripple the chances of the galaxy rebuilding, especially Rannoch. He placed the omni-tool on his blackened chestplate, and turned to face the blue console.

* * *

><p>Joker's fingers danced furiously over the Normandy's controls, and he knew something similar was going on inside EDI's brain. It was taking all their combined effort to evade the reaper beams filling the space around them. Ocasionaly they took a position to fire their own weapons, but aside from one lucky Thanix bolt to a lone Reaper's "eye," their assault barely even dented the barriers of the machines.<p>

A voice unexpectedly arose from the comm unit. "All fleets, this is Admiral Hackett. The Crucible is armed. Disengage and proceed to the rendezvous point." Joker grinned with excitement and relief. It had to be Shepard. When the shuttle returned without him, most of the crew had assumed the worst. Then they heard he and Anderson had made it to the beam, but nothing since then.

Joker began typing the Crucible's coordinates. He felt a hand on his shoulder, but waved it off. The hand returned, more forceful this time. He turned to find it belonged to Kaidan.

"Joker, it's time to go." The Major's voice was firm, but calm.

"What are you talking about? The Commander needs a pickup, and I'm not gonna let someone else get credit for the rescue."Joker's carefree mask began to crack. "I won't leave him this time."

Kaidan nodded in understanding, but did not change his position. "We need to get to the fleet. Garrus is injured and Tali's unconscious. Chakwas needs help to stabilize them. If Shepard makes it out, he'll find us. Right now, we need to leave."

"Damn it." Joker was fighting back tears, but he knew Kaidan was right. "Setting course for the Charon Relay"

* * *

><p>Shepard had faced pain. He'd been shot, stabbed, caught in explosions and been nearly devoured on Akuze. Hell, he'd died twice now, once to the vacuum of space and once a few seconds ago when the Crucible had broken down his body, cell by cell, to fuel the mind transfer. This was beyond all that.<p>

The human mind was designed to accept small pieces of information, building understanding over time. Computers took it all at once. As the knowledge of countless races and the feeds of a million sensor suites tried to find a place in his mind, he could feel them slowly ripping it apart.

_Fucking idiot, _he cursed himself, _this is exactly what happened with project Overlord_. An organic brain could only process so much at once, and it seemed converting flesh to data didn't change that.

He had one last shot. If he could Isolate himself from the rest of the system, lock himself in a virtual box, he could remain there and work on a new solution, keeping his sanity in tact. It wouldn't be easy.

He had always been quick with computers, a fact that many on Omega were quite thankful for, but now he was working from the inside. That, compounded with the sheer amount of code, made the process agonizingly difficult.

Finally, he gained control. He gathered all the code that had been his brain, pushed everything else away, and locked himself out of the system. It had probably only been seconds in reality, but it felt like years from the inside.

Feeling his thoughts clear, he began to work.

* * *

><p>Due to its speed and position in at the edge of the battle, the Normandy was the first ship to get close to the Relay. It was also the first to see that the Reapers were headed there as well.<p>

When the Crucible fired, it released a wave of blue light. It passed over the allied fleets with no effect, but every Reaper it touched immediately turned for Charon. Traynor sent a message to the fleets not to approach the rendezvous, while Joker and EDI pushed every bit of speed they could into getting to the Relay first. Turning around required slowing down, they would have to get to Exodus to change course.

The ship hit the relay before the Reapers, but as soon as they exited its mate, an explosion rocked the ship. The whole crew lost conciousness in a flash of blue as the ship spun through space, spinning at FTL speeds toward a nearby planet.

* * *

><p>The VI that had once been Commander Shepard now had total control of the Reapers. Free of the desire to understand, it could access the entire network. Without free will, it would not grow corrupt. It had orders, and would neither stray from them nor hesitate in their execution. It began to decide how best to carry out its first task.<p>

Deep in the archives lay one large block of data it was forbidden to access. Though it had many programs capable of cracking the lock, its base code would not alow it. It would only open in the presence of a specific bio-signature, that of a young Quarian Admiral.

* * *

><p><strong>It's finally done. The first chapter of my first multi-chapter fic. I know a lot of post ME3 stories start with the crucible, but due to the incredibly small amount of non-Destroy, non-Indoctrination stories, I felt it was necessary to begin here. Next chapter will pick up at the Normandy crash site, and will hopefully be up within a week. Please let me know what you think. As previously stated, this is a first for me, and feedback will help me improve.<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

The first thing Garrus noticed when he woke up was the pain. Not a single square inch of his body lacked a burn, cut or sore. Considering He'd been nearly hit by a flying tank, he was lucky to have got off this easy. The Mako had landed not ten feet in front of him, showering him with a dense cloud of heat and shrapnel. Garrus had been hurt bad, but he would heal in a week or two.

He was far more worried about Tali. She'd been much closer, and even her armored suit wasn't designed to take that much damage. He remembered Shepard handing her too him, hood torn, mask cracked, suit covered in blood. Their goodbye had been one of the hardest things to watch in Garrus's life. When the shuttle doors closed, Tali had sobbed until the blood loss put her to sleep. Had he tear ducts he would have joined her. Along with her, he'd been with Shepard since the beginning. The man was practically his brother.

He longed to return to slumber, drown out the pain from his memories as well as the physical wounds. He had a promise to keep first_. "Keep her safe." _Slowly and with great effort, he pushed himself upright and opened his eyes. Looking down, he could see much of his upper body covered in gauze, the wrappings stained with cobalt. He suspected his lower half looked much the same under the white sheets.

"Morning, Sleeping Beauty!" The sudden voice fell like a knife in Garrus's skull. "Well, beautiful's really pushing it, but at least I have a bandage pal now." Only one man could act so infuriatingly cheerful at a time like this.

"Joker?" Garrus rasped, turning to face the voice. Sure enough, the pilot sat on the the opposite bed, grinning despite the cast covering his arm and chest. "What the hell happened to you?"

"Turns out ship crashes and Vrolik Syndrome aren't a good combo. Still, could've been a lot worse. Chakwas is checking the rest of the crew." Joker's voice became slightly more serious. "And before you get worried, Doc says Tali should be ok. She and EDI hit the decontamination unit and performed surgery in the AI core, since it's probably the cleanest place on the ship. Glass and shrapnel's been taken care of and they stopped the bleeding, but without a transfusion she'll be out for a few days until her body can replace some of the blood. Probably for the best, really. Doc said the antibiotic cocktail they pumped in doesn't mix well with anesthetics. After she's done with the crew Chakwas'll grab her normal suit from the CO's quarters. Armored one's useless now,and she'll need to be wearing one before she can leave. EDI's still in the core room, she'll let us know if any thing new happens."

"That's good to hear," Garrus replied with sincerity and relief. "But when did we crash? " The turian rubbed his aching forehead. He tried to remember what happened after entering the med bay, but all he could recall was a flash of blue.

"I believe I am the best qualified to explain the situation," EDI's voice called out from the intercom. "When the Crucible was activated, it released a wave of energy. When this wave came into contact with the Reapers, they began to follow us to the Charon Relay. While we were able to reach it several minutes ahead of the machines, we were only seconds ahead of the energy pulse. It also raveled through the relay, causing it to explode.

"Exploding mass relays?" Garrus Interjected. "Didn't that take out a whole _star system_ last time?"

"Based on my logs," the AI explained, "it appears a single, critical component was destroyed as opposed to the complete annihilation of the Bahak Relay. The blast was still incredibly violent, but much more localized. It is my theory that this is how the Crucible was intended to destroy the Reapers, sending a signal that somehow lured them to the nearest mass relay before detonating it."

"Wait, question," Joker cut in, raising his good hand. "Wouldn't that also disable intergalactic travel? Even if it's only damaged and not gone, I don't think anyone has the know-how to fix a dead relay. And if this thing was supposed to kill _all _the Reapers, it probably also took out all the _relays._"

"You are correct, Jeff," EDI replied. "It is possible whatever cycle initially designed the Crucible had a better understanding of the technology and felt they could make repairs. Alternatively, it may have simply been deemed an acceptable alternative to extinction."

"Fair enough," the pilot said, "but that still doesn't explain where we are now or why no one seems to remember any of this but you."

"While we escaped the heart of the blast, it still knocked us off course. Contrary to all laws of probability, our new trajectory took us close enough to a planet that I was able to make corrections and land the Normandy relatively safely. Our communications, navigation, drive core and QEC are down, but our hull is intact. We are currently on Eden Prime, though by my estimates we are far from the colony. As for the second part, The Crucible pulse seems to have had the secondary effect of rendering organics unconscious, though I have yet to arrive at a satisfying answer why this is."

_Eden prime, _Garrus thought, mandibles twitching with amusement. _It's almost like the Normandy has a natural attraction to this place._ His eyes grew darker as a new realization rose to mind.

"I assume no comms means no word on Shepard." It wasn't really a question, but Garrus got an answer anyway. It did not inspire confidence.

"No word on him, or anything else for that matter." Joker slowly shook his head, not even bothering to pretend to be happy. "We're completely in the dark about anything past the air locks."

"While it is reasonable to assume that the Crucible caused similar relay damage and bouts of unconsciousness in other systems," EDI added, "the more specific state of the galaxy and Sol in particular is unknown. Shepard's fate is even more ambiguous."

"Spirits," Garrus breathed, gazing at the AI core. "What are we going to tell her?

* * *

><p><em>Five Days Later<em>

Tali stood in stood in the elevator, barely even noticing that it moved even slower than usual. Her mind was numb to her senses, even the pain of the fresh scars and burns under her suit. Yesterday had not been a good day, and she was still feeling it's effects.

She had awoken from a nearly week-long coma, only to learn that they were stranded with no way to contact help. Even worse had been the news that Shepard had not returned to the Normandy. While he was far from confirmed dead, the fact that his fate was one small piece in an entire jigsaw puzzle of unknowns was hardly more comforting.

The memorial wall service hadn't helped. The small monument bore two new names: _Admiral David Anderson (MIA), Commander David Shepard (MIA)_. The crew had insisted she be the one to place his name. Those final three letters should have given her hope. Instead, as she had attached the plaque to the wall, it felt almost as though she were the one killing him. Several of the crew had tried to talk to her afterwards, even _Javik_ appearing concerned, but she simply walked past them all.

She'd spent the rest of the night in their cabin on deck one. This turned out to be a poor decision on her part. The room was far more organized than it had been the night before Cronos Station, meaning things had shifted in the crash and EDI had tidied up. It only made the room seem unnatural, almost fake. The bed had been even worse. Without David, it felt cold and uncomfortably large, almost as if it were trying to swallow her. She doubted she had got even an hour of true sleep.

The elevator chimed, signalling her arrival on deck two. She moved silently through the empty deck to the airlock. Joker was still in the med bay, and many of the human crew had left in the shuttles to try to find the main colony and get help with repairs. Liara and Javik had gone with them, hoping to find something useful at the dig site.

Stepping through the inner door and locking it, the Decontamination cycle started. Tali gripped her toolbox tightly. The day was going to be long, and she needed something to keep her busy. She had killed Geth, mercenaries, terrorists, and even Reapers. She'd hacked impregnable systems and improved a supposedly perfect ship. She had even helped take back the homeworld, without resorting to genocide. But now, Admiral Tali'Zorah vas Normandy faced the one challenge she could not bear to even think about.

She was alone.

True, there was the rest of the crew, but she could tell they were broken as well, even if not to the same extent. Garrus had looked in far to much pain last night to blame it solely on his healing burns.

_Keelah, David, where have you gone? _She asked silently. _We're all so lost without you. Come back to us. Come back to __me__. I need my home._

The outer door beeped twice and opened, signalling Tali was clear to leave. She stepped of the ship and down the ramp, looking for work.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 2 marks the end of explanation and the beginning of plot! hopefully I can stay on this once a week schedule and make some longer chapters coming up. Let me know what you thought, and have a wonderful day.<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**Update 11/2/2014: Small changes to chapters 2 and 3. More details, ETA of next full chapter, and explanation for my (possibly continuing, unfortunately) absence at the bottom, under the original author's note.**

* * *

><p>Five times the distinctive tripple-crack of an Incisor echoed in the jungle. Five bundles of fruit exploded in the highest trees. Garrus let the spent thermal fall, adding to the growing pile on the Normandy's roof. He slotted a fresh clip into the rifle and took aim again, despite the protest of his newest scars. He really should be resting, not agitating the wounds, even if they were largely superficial at this point. He didn't care.<p>

He was angry. Normally, he'd turn the rage into focus, do something productive. But his technical prowess was limited to weapons and security, not much use to the current repairs. Failing that, he would go to the shuttle bay and spar with Vega or Shepard. But James was doing heavy lifting for Adams and Shepard was...

_Not here_, Garrus thought. _Because we left him._

On some level, he understood it had been necessary. He couldn't blame the others for following orders, any more than he could blame himself for the injuries that forced Tali and himself to flee the final assault. It just felt so _wrong_. To follow him for so long, only to vanish at such a crucial moment felt like the ultimate betrayal to Garrus, even though Shepard _told_ them to run. He didn't know if he'd ever forgive himself. He had _almost _forgiven the crew. And then last night...

Five more bursts. Four more hits. A muttered curse.

_How could they be so cruel, so utterly tactless?_ _Awake for only hours and they make her put his name on that damned wall? _They had said it had to be done, that Shepard deserved the honor, that they only waited so long so Tali could be there. A few had gone so far as to act confused at her obvious pain. _Don't they get it? It doesn't matter what the plaque says, that monument is for the dead, not the missing. To take that hope away from her, when we have no evidence?_

Two hits this time. "Damn it!"

And Shepard _was _alive. Garrus was sure of it. He was sure because...

No, he wasn't sure. For all they knew, everyone in Sol could be Reaper paste by now. But he _needed _it to be true.

_"There is no Shepard without Vakarian," _the Spectre had told him. But the reverse was even more true. Twice, serving on the Normandy had given him renewed purpose, saving him from life as a disillusioned C-Sec officer and death as a betrayed vigilante.

_He gave me a reason to live, something to fight for, and I pay him back by leaving him to die?_

Five misses. He should've known this was a bad idea. Anger made him make mistakes. And mistakes made him angrier. Still, there was nothing else to do with his fury at the moment, so he loaded another heat sink.

* * *

><p>Liara walked silently through the ancient bunker, Javik just as quiet a few feet ahead of her. The dig site was deserted, just like the settlement around it. It was hardly surprising. Cerberus had slaughtered everyone who lived or worked here before the Normandy arrived to collect the prothean. The resistance was more concerned with keeping them out of the main colony than taking back a few empty buildings. The last report the Broker had received said they were doing well, thanks to the intel she and Shepard had provided them. Still, Cerberus was much better equipped than the colonists. And the same report had also mentioned Reaper presence. She hoped they were still holding out.<p>

With the ship's long-range comms down, they wouldn't know until Kaidan and his team (comprised of himself, several marines, in case they needed to fight, and Traynor with a list of materials needed to fix the ship) brought the shuttles back from Constant in the morning. Well, morning by the Normandy's clock. The local sun had risen ten hours ago and would be up for another fifteen.

Exploring the ruins had been enjoyable, if uneventful. They had found very little that would aid in getting them off the ground, but given that this was a military installation and not a shipyard, that was to be expected. What they had found plenty of was information, both in the form of computer data, which they copied and stored to translate later, and in memory shards like the one in Javik's stasis pod. That technology still fascinated Liara. How many secrets were locked away in these strange artifacts, waiting for the last prothean to make them known once more?

Her musings were interrupted by old pain as she thought of her team from Therum. They would have loved to have been here, learning the history of the previous cycle from one who had actually experienced it. She pushed the memories aside, as she had so many times before. It would not do for the Shadow Broker to be outwardly affected by the deaths of a few researchers, especially not years after the fact.

As Liara and Javik made their way back towards the exit to find a place to sleep for the "night," she realized the prothean hadn't said a word in over half an hour. Though he wasn't especially talkative, this long a silence was unusual even for him.

"I realize coming back here must be difficult for you. Would talking to someone help?" Though she was far from a therapist and Javik could be abrasive, she still did not wish for him to be more uncomfortable with the situation than necessary. The prothean did not respond to her sudden and somewhat awkward question for several minutes. She was beginning to think he was deliberately ignoring her when he finally spoke.

"This place holds many unpleasant memories," he began, continuing to move as he spoke. "Not only my own either. I can still read the dying thoughts of a few of my comrades, even after all this time. But they are nothing I have not thought of during my time in this cycle. My current concerns are of the crew."

"Worried about us 'primitives?'" she inquired, unable to completely conceal her amusement. Javik stopped walking and turned to face her.

"No, Liara T'soni." He had been using her real name more often, but it still surprised her to hear it. "The races of this cycle are ready to shed that title. Your technology is still limited. Your biology is strange. Many of your cultural and moral ideals could not be farther from my own. But you have done more harm to the Reapers in a few short years than my people did in a few hundred, despite the meddling of your politicians. That alone is worth my respect."

The use of her name had caught her off guard. Javik's full reply left her speechless. When she did not respond, he continued.

"That being said, we will not know if our victory is complete untill we leave this planet. It has been almost a week and we have not even completed the repairs for which we have spare parts!" Javik's anger surprised Liara. It was not that the emotion itself was uncommon, but she had not seen it directed toward anyone from the Normandy since their argument near Thessia.

She was about to try to explain the crew's grief and lack of guidance, but he cut her off, sensing the reply before it was voiced. "You do not need to give the reason. It would be easy to read the effects of the Commander's disappearance even without my people's abilities. But until we learn otherwise, we must assume we are still at war! The presumed death of one man, no matter how influential on either a personal or galactic scale, cannot be allowed to keep us out of the fight. You have all functioned without Shepard before, and must do so again if we hope to see any future for this cycle."

As shocked as she was by his blunt statement, she could not fault the cold logic of his words. Still, if he were to talk like this in front of the rest of the crew there would be problems, perhaps even a fight. This had to be dealt with now.

"While I understand your concern," she intoned with forced calm, "I believe we are doing our best under the circumstances. For many of us, the Normandy crew is like a second family. Shepard was the heart of that. The loss of someone so close-"

"Is nothing you have not dealt with before!" Javik's cutting rebuttal opened more old wounds for Liara. This time she was reminded of Virmire and Noveria as well. Though initial dismissive or even disapproving of her "alien" teammates, Ashley had warmed up over time. In the final days before her death, she had even begun to think of the Chief as a friend. And to lose her own mother only a few days later, by her own hand no less, had torn her even farther apart. This time she could not recompose herself. She dropped to her knees and she could feel the tears begin to fall. She looked up, wondering how the prothean would react to such a display of weakness.

To her surprise, the ancient soldier wore an expression she had never seen before. His emotions were often hard to read, his face being so different from any modern species, but judging by the most common markers it appeared to be... Remorse? Empathy? Hesitantly, as if Javik himself did not know what he was doing, he kneeled down and placed his hand on the asari's shoulder. When he spoke, his voice was softer than she thought possible.

"It was not my intention to bring back the past. I know the pain it can carry better than most. I... apologize." Liara had heard him use the word only once before. This time, she believed him. Shortly after the attack on Sanctuary, Shepard had told her that Javik finally "read" the shard from his stasis pod. He said the prothean had described how his old team was Indoctrinated. He had been forced to hunt them all down, to kill them and watch them die to ensure they would do no further harm to his people. She remembered how hard it had been to end Benezia's suffering. She could not imagine doing it multiple times.

Slowly, Jaik rose to his feet, pulling Liara up with him. "I will not discuss this matter again," he conscessed, all eight pupils focused on her two. "However, time is still of the essence. Shepard never allowed his grief or guilt impact the mission, though I know he felt enough for a dozen lesser men. We must strive to do the same."

Liara nodded in agreement. "Dead or allive, we owe him that much."o

Without warning, the Prothean tensed and spun in place, sending a wave of green energy out from his right hand. Liara herd a feminine scream and the crackle of broken shields as a formerly cloaked figure fell to the ground several yards away. A sword clattered on the floor as the prothean's biotics tore the lightly armored form to shreds.

"There are more up ahead," he whispered, drawing his rifle.

* * *

><p>The thickness of hull plating and the materials used in its construction often interfered with wireless transmissions, despite the advances in their range and penetration. For this reason, most ships had transmitters, receivers, and navigational sensors mounted externally. These pieces were expected to need periodic replacement, so it was not uncommon to carry spares.<p>

Tali was currently in the final stages of installing the Normandy's port set. Once she was done with this side, she would move on to starboard. After that, the system would be complete and ready to come back online. Without the relay they would be limited to the Exodus cluster in range, but that would still allow contact with the colonists, Normandy ground team, and any hypothetical rescue or scouting vessel that passed by. It would also allow EDI's mobile frame to function outside the ship again, which could be helpful in further repairs.

In order to accomplish her task, the engineer was standing on a small mobile scaffold that gripped the ship's hull with powerful magnets. She prayed they would continue to hold. The device was designed to project a mass decreasing field in case of a fall, allowing her to float slowly to the ground. She had no desire to test this feature, however, and found herself holding her breath every time the platform moved to a new section of the ship. The near-constant stream of rifle shots and profanity above her wasn't doing much to calm her nerves either.

The combination of useful work, mortal terror, and mild irritation was doing an excellent job of keeping her thoughts away from Shepard. This was good, since when she'd done so earlier she hadn't even decided on a single emotion long enough to process anything. Hope that he was alive, fear that he was dead, regret they'd had so little time together, anger at the Reapers for separating them once again. It had paralyzed her, mind and body, until she forced herself to work. And so work she would, until exhaustion finally granted her that rare, dreamless sleep one can only experience when they have burned through all reserve energy.

The quarian ceased working for a moment as she was overcome by a coughing fit. The cause was a buildup of excess mucus, the last remnants of a rather nasty reaction to the Earth's microorganisms. A year ago it might have killed her, but apparently Mordin's medications were good for more than just a few suitless nights in the CO's quarters. Even in death, the old salarian's work was helping people, and Tali suspected that was just the way he'd want it. When she could properly breathe again, she returned to work.

The last sensor was proving to be quite difficult to remove. The bolts that held it in place had melted inside their holes, forcing her to carefully cut it free with her omni-saw. She then retrieved a plasma torch and a small, heat-resistant vacuum from her toolkit. The heat from the torch did not harm the threaded channels of Silaris armor, but reduced the remains of the bolt to liquid, which was promptly removed by the vacuum.

Tali allowed the hull to cool while she replaced the old wiring and connected the new sensor, then attached it fully with a new set of bolts. Her omni-tool fabricator created a simple powered socket wrench for the task. It performed admirably before being broken down once more to base materials. The quarian then gathered the few physical tools she had used and put them back in her toolbox, along with the old sensors. She would strip them of any usable parts later. The recycling techniques she'd learned from life in the Migrant Fleet hadn't previously been required on the Normandy, but now there was no way of knowing what they would or wouldn't be able to replace.

She brought up the scaffold's control interface on her omni-tool and ordered it to move to the airlock. The Normandy didn't have a round enough bow or stern to simply let the device crawl to starboard, so she would have to walk it down the ramp and around the ship before letting it climb up the side. Just as the platform reached the airlock, it opened with a loud _hiss. _The sudden shock combined with the halt of momentum nearly knocked Tali off balance.

"Hey, Sparks, you doin' alright out here?" asked the large marine in the doorway "Adams asked me to check on ya." James Vega was a good man and a skilled soldier, but he needed to learn where it was acceptable to surprise people. On a narrow ledge twenty feet in the air was not one of those places. If she fell without the scaffold, nothing would catch her. While the fall itself might be survivable, she certainly wouldn't escape without harm. She had no desire to spend another week in the med bay, and if she reopened the medi-gel "stitches" in her side, Chakwas would kill her.

"I'm fine, James," Tali replied, ignoring her near-death experience. "We should have comms and navigation in another two hours or so. How are things inside?"

"Tech's really not my forte, but I can repeat what I'm told," he replied, offering a hand to help her across the short gap to the ramp. She took it, unnecessary but appreciated. "Adams is doing what he can with the drive core and all the... stuff that connects to it, but he says there are just some parts we don't have. EDI is helping him. Ken and Gabby are taking a look at the QEC. That'd be the most useful thing to get running, talk to Hackett if he's still there and find out what the Hell happened, but it doesn't seem like they think it's gonna happen. They said all the quantum stuff is fine, but the reader is shot."

Tali nodded thoughtfully. That made sense. She didn't fully understand the actual entanglement part of the device, but the reader was what translated the shifting particles into audio-visual feed, or vice-versa if they were transmitting. It was very small and complex, the perfect recipe for breakage. Unfortunately, it was also still too expensive and rare to carry spares, and the materials were outside the capabilities of omni-fabricators. The QEC was what she'd wanted working most too, as their best chance of finding out about the Reapers.

_And, more importantly, David, _she thought._ No! Focus on what we __can__ fix for now._ It would get them answers eventually, and keep her busy until then. Needing another task, she retrieved the scaffold and began to walk down the ramp. Vega's large hand on her arm halted her progress.

"You sure you're OK Sparks?" The concern in the soldier's voice was genuine. "I know you get into your work, but usually you're a bit more chatty." They hadn't known each other as long as the rest of the ground team, but combat had a way of quickly forming friendships. If you were going to count on someone to watch you're back, it helped to get to know them. Which meant he surely knew exactly what was bothering her.

Tali did not wish to discuss it at the moment, so instead she simply said, "I didn't sleep well," and shrugged out of his grip. It wasn't a lie. Nightmares were nothing new to her, but for the past few months, Shepard had always been there to talk her back to sleep.

_"It's only fair,"_ David had said one night, _"you've done the same for me more times than I can count." _But now he wasn't there to help her, and she wasn't there for him wherever he was. _If he's still out there at all._

She was going to break down again if this kept going. She turned to leave again, hoping James would get the message and drop the subject. No such luck. The Marine stepped in front of her and crossed his arms, blocking her path. They stood there for several minutes staring at each other. The only sounds were the breeze and Garrus's rifle. Finally, Tali accepted defeat.

"Why did you really come out here, James?" she asked with a sigh.

"Because somebody needs to talk to you," he said plainly. "Him too," the marine added, nodding in Garrus's direction. He then cupped a hand to his mouth and shouted, "but I'd hate to interrupt the Great Space-Banana Genocide of 2187!"

The response was a turian curse either so obscure or so vulgar that it slipped past Tali's translator.

"Don't mock him," she whispered angrily, "he's hurting!"

"And so are you," James shot back."So the question is, are you gonna let it keep eating you like him, or are you gonna do somethin' about it?"

After a moment's thought, she had to admit he was right. When the SR1 was destroyed, she hadn't felt even remotely normal untill she started talking to Auntie Raan about it. Why would keeping this to herself turn out any better? She stepped around the large man, but motioned for him to follow. She took a seat against a nearby tree, and he claimed one next to it. After sitting for several minutes composing her thoughts, Tali began to speak.

"I don't need to tell you how horrible this war has been. You've seen more of it than I have." This second statement was more than a little bitter. Despite her best efforts to make them focus on the real threat, her people had rushed into war with the Geth. The conflict had ended better than anyone could have hoped, but it shouldn't have happened at all. More of both races would be alive today, both would have joined the allied fleets sooner, and she could have returned to the Normandy as soon as it was airborne. It was her home ship, after all. By quarian law, as well as her heart, it was where she belonged.

She took a deep breath, bringing her back to the real world. _I can't change the past,_ she thought, _we're here to discuss the present._

"But through it all," the young Admiral continued, "no matter what monsters we had to fight, how much destruction we had to watch, how many friends I had to watch die, there was one constant. I loved David, and he loved me. We were there for each other each night, and would be there in the morning to wake up to. It made everything else bearable, even made me believe that someday, the pain would be gone. That one day, the Reapers would be nothing but a memory, and we'd have nothing to live for but each other." She bowed her head. "It was foolish really. Maybe even a bit selfish. But he made it all ok, somehow. Like I didn't need to be scared."

James shook his head. "Ain't nothin' wrong with a little hope, _amiga," _he reassured. "It's the only thing that kept any of us going, even Loco. He was like a whole different person before you showed up. Still determined to win, but almost like he was being forced to continue. You gave him something to really fight for. You should have seen him after Tuchanka. Yeah, seeing a him kill a Reaper with a thresher maw was pretty badass, but that night? He spent hours alone at the bar, went through bottle after bottle of our strongest stuff. Wouldn't talk to anybody the whole time. Chakwas had to order him to get some rest, and even that wouldn't have worked if EDI hadn't locked him out of the lounge."

"The same thing happened after Grunt's rite," Tali said morosely. "He still has flashbacks to Akuze. Losing Mordin the same day... He was a good friend." It was more than that really. without the doctor, she and Shepard would be limited to held hands and loving words. As awkward as it had been at the time, no words could express her gratitude for his help. "I should have been there for him."

"You had a duty to your people, and he understood that. What matters is that you didn't stay gone forever. And he's gonna need you again when we get back." While they all wanted the Commander to be alive, James was the only one that seemed to wholeheartedly believe it. Tali wanted to agree with him, but couldn't shake the memory of her father on the Alarei.

"You have no idea how much I want to believe you, James, but I've known that kind of hope before. It just ends up hurting more in the end."

"Come on, Sparks, just think about it. Guy killed a Reaper on foot, and you think pressing a few buttons in a space station took him out?" The look on his face said he honestly believed it was the most ridiculous idea he'd ever heard. "We know the Crucible worked, and there wasn't anybody could have pulled the trigger but Anderson or Shepard. Don't see how one of them would've made it but not the other."

"But we still don't even know what the Crucible actualy did!" Tali shouted, gesturing wildly with her hands. "It definately did _something_ to the Reapers, but how do we know they're gone? And why did it take out the mass relays? EDI has her theory, but are we sure all the damages were as controlled as they were here in Exodus. We don't even know if there _is_ still a Sol to go back to!" She caught her head in her hands and rubbed her visor, then continued in a whisper. "I'm sorry, James. I didn't mean to get angry. It's just... After all this, if theres nothing to come back to? I don't even want to think about it."

"So don't," James said with a shrug. Tali's response was a blank stare. The soldier chuckled. "I know I probably sound like an idiot, but hear me out. Way I figure, It's gonna take a while to get off this rock, and a long trip after that without a relay. If we're gonna make it that far, it'll take a little optimism. We can grieve later, _if _it's necessary. For now, we focus on the positive and get shit done, _comprende_? Don't think about what happens if Loco ain't there, think about what if he is. Come on, two a' you must've had some kinda plan."

Vega was persistent, she would give him that much. Maybe he did have a point. Dwelling on worst-case scenarios wouldn't get her answers any faster. Tali opened one of her pockets and pulled out a small, reddish-brown stone.

"Your plan was a rock collection?" Her muscular friend joked. "Is that Shepard's idea of a romantic hobby? Real winner you picked yourself there, Tali."

"Well, one man can't be perfect at _everything," _the quarian giggled, thinking of his"skills" on the dance floor. "But no, that's not what this is for. It's a symbol of a promise he made me. When we first touched down on Rannoch, we talked about how my people would have to get used to home being a fixed place instead of something we took with us. David picked up this rock and gave it to me so I could do both." She shook her head slightly. "That probably sounds silly, doesn't it?"

The marine shrugged. "Maybe, but it also sounds kinda cute. Just don't tell the others I said that," he amended, flexing his muscles. "Not good for my macho image if they find out I'm a big softy."

"Dont worry, James," she assured, "your secret is safe with me. Anyway, after that, and all the fighting, we sat on that cliff where we fought the Reaper from and talked some more. Stubborn _bosh'tet_ tried to get me to stay there." She rolled her eyes at the mere memory of the suggestion. She had grown quite fond of the human gesture. "As if there was anywhere I'd rather be than by his side. After I shot that down, he promised we would come back after the war, and build a home right on that spot. A real house, first one either of us would ever live in, just for the two of us."

"Now we know he's coming back!" Vega exclaimed. "The Loco I knew would never break a promise to a gal like you. Neither would I, come to think of it. I've seen how you work that shotgun. Still, its hard to imagine you two just settling down for a normal life, leavin' all this excitement behind."

"The first interspecies couple to set foot on Rannoch in three hundred years? I'd hardly call that normal, James," she chortled. "And I don't think we'll get bored any time soon. After all, we still need to see how my people react."

"They don't know?" the soldier asked in utter disbelief. "The way you two acted on that dreadnought, I don't know how anybody didn't see it."

"And yet EDI still had to clear it up for you," she reminded him. "And that was private aside from you, anyway. We kept it secret in front of the Admiralty and the general public, but that idea died when Rannoch's Reaper did. That casino date wasn't exactly subtle, we ate together every time we stopped at the citadel, and I know for a fact at least Auntie Raan saw us kissing on the homeworld."

_Our _first _outdoor kiss, _she remembered, _the sun on my bare face for the first time, the gentle breeze blowing in to my helmet. And David, wonderful and passionate as always. Keelah, that was a good day._

"They know, I just haven't talked to anyone but Raan about it."

"What'd she think?" Vega asked.

"She said she'd known for a while, actually, and that she was happy for us," Tali said with an unseen smile. "I think she's suspected it since she saw how hard I took Alchera, even if both of us would have denied it at the time. She said she saw something about the way we acted around each other at the trial. The rumors that have been floating around since we came back from the collector base only made her more certain. Of course there were rumors about _everyone_ who got seen in public with him. Did you know some of the tabloids even had him hooked up with Grunt and Zaeed? As in _both_ of them, at the same time!"

"No kidding? Have to dig those up on the extranet next time I'm looking for a quick laugh." The marine stood up, and Tali followed suit. "Better get to work for now, though. Good talking to you, Sparks. Hope it helped."

"It did. Thank you." The engineer's head was much clearer now. She would never have admitted it to herself, but this was something she had needed. She would deal with whatever reality came later. For now, it was best to cling to hope, lest she fall into despair.

Suddenly she James stopped in front of her, motioning for her to do the same with one hand while cupping the other to his ear.

_What does he hear, _she thought, focussing her own senses. Suddenly realization hit her. It was what they _couldn't _hear that worried him.

* * *

><p>Garrus had not fired a shot in several minutes. Instead, he was carefully scanning the trees to confirm what he thought he had seen. Finally, his raptor-like eyes found the oddly familiar black and white shapes once again. He gazed down his rifle scope for final identification.<p>

He could see a fairly large group of armored human men and women. Perhaps three dozen in all. Each carried some sort of firearm, ranging from pistols to sniper rifles and LMGs, and a few had swords or riot shields. All bore the same symbol on either their breastplate or paldrons: an elongated hexagon, slit open at the bottom, with short, crooked lines on either side.

With a malicious grin, Garrus chambered another thermal and took aim, this time with complete confidence. _Anger_ made him make mistakes, but this familiar cold inferno was not anger. It was hatred. And if he had learned one thing on Omega, it was that he could work just fine with hate.

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><p><strong>Author's Note: Yay, I'm not dead! I know it has been considerably longer than a week, but introducing new characters was challenging and I needed to rewrite a few sections. I tried to make everyone act and talk like their canon selves,with perhaps a bit of character development for Javik. It also has a lot more length than the first two chapters. hopefully I did well, and the conversation between James and Tali didn't feel too long. I couldn't find anything to cut, so I tried to add some humor where it didn't break the flow. If anything feels off, feel free to tell me in a review. I'll be responding to each one from now on (unless I suddenly get hundreds, but I don't see that happening three chapters in as a new author) I can't promise when the next chapter will be up, with my classes back in full force, but I can promise it'll be a break from all this feelings stuff for some good old-fashioned violence and a bit more plot advancement. Super original, bringing Cerberus in, I know, but they've got a plan I haven't seen yet, so I think I can keep things interesting. More of the actual Control elements to come as well. Thanks for reading!<strong>

**-Swordshade**

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><p><strong>Update: 112/2014: Sorry it's not a full chapter, but to make a long, depressing story short, my grandfather died shortly after I published chapter 3 and its been hard to work up the motivation to do much of anything. For this reason, it will be a while before Chapter 4 comes out. Possibly not till after N7 Day, despite my original plan to have 6 up by then. I wish I could get back in the groove sooner, but a lot of you probably understand what I'm going through. I did manage to do some editing to chapters 2 and 3. 1 needs it more, but that's going to involve a near total rewrite of at least the last two sections. The changes I made are as follows:**

**Chapter 2: Added to the dialogue by giving EDI a theory about the crucible. She's wrong, of course, but it felt better than the Normandy crew just shrugging their collective shoulders.**

**Chapter 3: Tali's dialogue now references said theory, and Tali and Shepard have talked with Admiral Raan about their relationship. **

**Both: Fixed some typos and removed some unneeded commas. Probably didn't catch them all, but even a small improvement is good in my book. Let me know if you find more.**

**Hopefully I'll have something bigger for you soon.**

**-Swordshade**


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